I have never written a blog so close to a live broadcast, so for my loyal followers, I just thought that would be a good idea, unique and I hope interesting to know my thoughts, what goes on in my mind before a show, just before a show. Of course, being whom I am, I am a little anxious. Anxiety follows me everywhere I go and rears its ugly head in everything I do. As my shrink tells me, it is just who I am, and I have learn to accept it and deal with it - the essence of my therapy over the past 18 months.
If I analyze why I am currently anxious, one can point to a number of reasons. First, of course is that I am always a bit nervous, every show. Not bad, and as many professional athletes indicate, it gives them an edge to be a little tense. Second, I have not performed live in four weeks, the longest period of time I have gone. Third, the show was prepared a long time ago and the initial interest has worn slightly. Of course, once I get into it, I will find the enthusiasm I always seem to have. Fourth, during the first few minutes of the show I will try to give a preview into the upcoming shows based on my recent, and arguably most amazing of my 21 excursions to Italy. I only hope I can capture the magic and transfer that to my audience, always a problem. Fifth, of course, yet another "of course", with the broadcasts one never knows when the system will break down, so after last week that is always an issue. However all this can be taken and indeed accepted in the correct context. Other than performing and entertaining my audience, i.e. you, the most important part of this endeavor, there is no life or death situations riding on this whole venture. I do not get paid, nor will my life affected in any measurable way. I will simply come home, have something to eat, while watching, probably my favorite thing on TV (DVD actually), The West Wing. I finished my 7th go around last week, so I will have to begin again; not much of a problem, since I worship that show.
Of all the issues mentioned above I want to perform the show as perfectly as I designed it, so that is my biggest concern. My visual images will help me focus. One of my "friends" (not really a friend any more) told me I show too many images. My response was, "try to sustain a one hour show and we'll talk again after YOU had the experience." The images help me to relax and focus, although the Bart and Tobe Show a few months back had few images, but then again, Bart and Tobe helped me to relax and focus. Ellen, my engineer and close friend also helps me, but most of all my love for Italy sustains me, and that is always something to fall back on. So here I am telling you my innermost thoughts, and have no qualms about that, as you are my devoted audience, some, I suppose for the whole time (thank you). For the next hour I don't know what I will do, perhaps put my head back and doze for a while, or read my latest book, a great, and very long biography of my favorite person who ever lived, Lincoln. Or I may just stare into space, always a good way to clear my mind. I will almost certainly leave for the studio a bit earlier than normally, because that always relaxes me, just being back in the studio, small, sometimes cramped, but my second home nonetheless.
So I hope you watch the show, either live or on Youtube later tonight, and enjoy it very much, as much as I enjoy letting you in on my thoughts. I will write the follow up tomorrow or perhaps if I have time, tonight.
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