Defining Alan's Italy

As I have told people over the course of the past year, the name Alan's Italy was chosen purposely because the various projects that developed from the TV show are a personal statement of my view of Italy. Through my experiences over the past twenty years of travel I have come to define a journey that is an outgrowth of my personality, with all its flaws. All of my abilities and deficiencies have clearly emerged in this endeavor, just as they have in my professional life. Indeed as a mathematics educator I had to reach goals that were sometimes hindered by aspects of my various jobs that were beyond my capability. Even becoming a high school supervisor would not have been possible had I been forced the pass the New York City Mathematics Chairman Exam that existed prior to the mid 70's. I was never a math scholar, as many of my fellow chairmen were, and only because the nature of the requirement had been modified was I able to compete, and indeed to succeed.

When I began the television program and the other projects such as my lectures, blogs, and books, I knew there would be things that would cloud my quest for "perfection." I cannot speak fluent Italian, for example, which honestly only hurts me in two ways. First, and foremost, it may have prevented me from becoming closer with some of the native Italians who are a part of my life, like Luca's partner, Mary, Mary's daughter Maria Cristina, Luca's daughter Greta, and many members of Lidia's family. I have tried at least three times to learn the language, and given up in the middle after having made significant progress each time. It is partly that reason that prevents me from trying again. Second, people are always asking me if I speak fluent Italian, and that is more of an embarrassment than anything else. The fact is that during my seventeen years of Italian travel when I held down full or part-time jobs, I just didn't have the time. Now that I am retired, I am heavily into TV production, writing, and lecturing. I get by, but there is always the cloud that follows me around like that cloud of dust that goes wherever that character goes in the comic strip, Peanuts. I was at a party recently where two friends of mine were really getting to me over this issue. I hope my irritation did not come through too much, but I fear that someday it will.

There are other "deficiencies" like my inability to perform the perfect show. As I watch them afterward, there are always faux pas along the way, some of which I correct on a subsequent show, and some I don't bother with. I really try to be better, and I study my performances constantly focussing on ways to improve. There IS a marked difference as time has gone on. Also, my knowledge of Italian culture, history, and art are lacking primarily due to my lack of ANY formal education. Everything is self taught. Yes I have audited courses at Bard College, but without the pressure of tests and papers, I only have only superficially enhanced my overall knowledge. Another thing is that I have never spent more than 2 1/2 weeks at a time in Italy. Many people with whom I come into contact have spent much more time there, and are always shocked that I haven't. They are also shocked that I don't ever want to live there. In fact so many things "shock" people that after a while I just don't even want to talk about the Italian passion thing at parties. At first I did, and when people brought up the show or books, it pleased me. Now it has become an irritant, and I dread having to yet again make excuses. ENOUGH !!!!

I am who I am. I know what I know. Everything I am and know is Alan's Italy, not Bob's Italy, or Sidney's Italy, or simply Italy. Leave me alone already ! You get what is there, no matter how tainted it might be. I never claimed to be an expert, and in fact made that clear on my first show, and many subsequent ones trying vainly to express the fact that I am presenting Italy as I see it, feel it, and experience it, and now that I have yet again expressed this fact in this blog, I feel much better.

So with all of these deficiencies I have somehow managed to get to Italy twenty times, make friends with several natives, three of whom are very dear to me, experience some amazing things, visited extraordinary places and gotten quite a bit out of that experience, and produced a cable TV show, written two books, numerous blogs, lectured before as many as thirty-five people, planned several dozen trips for people, taught in two continuing education programs, developed and maintained a website (www.alansitaly.com) and finally, and most importantly have had a wonderful time, and even, dare I say it, made somewhat of an impact on the Italian Fascination, Italian Mystique (what is it
called ? Sigh, yet another deficiency of mine, the inability to define the pervading amazement with Italy).

Nonetheless, I cherish my blogs one of which you are now reading, as well as my "mysterious" readers who refuse to reveal themselves to me, ever. I see that perhaps 80 to 100 people have come to this site on a weekly basis, growing by the weeks, and I like that and hope I have entertained and interested you. A little encouragement would be helpful, but it is not necessary. I have no trouble sustaining this narrative of my experiences with Alan's Italy, so thank you once again, and I do hope you understand me a little better now.

Adventures in Broadcasting

It was 4 PM and I was ready to leave for the studio. Ellen called to say, "Time Warner cable is not working. We do not seem to be broadcasting." "Impossible," I replied, "I am watching it now." We agreed to try to do a show and Ellen suggested that Laura call us at 5:05 to let us know if there was indeed a show being broadcast. I arrived at the studio, set up for the show, found out the Spanish Dancer would be practicing next door in the Community Center, and off we went into the evening's broadcast. As I was into the first few minutes, my wife called me on my cell indicating that there was nothing coming across her TV at home related to Alan's Italy. There was, however, the usual public service announcements that come across when no scheduled program is on. Suddenly Ellen realized that she had failed to pull a switch and did so immediately it was indicated to me over the phone that all was working well. I asked Ellen if we should start over, but she said that the DVD machine was working well, and that was the most important. I went back a few minutes reiterating some announcements for the people who watch live and missed those items I had spoken of at the outset. And off we went. It was fun talking about my favorite museums, but it is always a challenge with the Spanish Dancer doing her thing right beyond the door.

I spoke a little about our trip to Venice in May/June 2013 (see my next blog entry).Other than that first show a year ago on Venice, I haven't created much on it, so this is a great opportunity. I hope to obtain press credentials for the preview period which will permit me to interview some of the Biennale participants. I would also like to tour the city with several shows in mind such as the Jewish Ghetto, some famous bridges and churches, and perhaps some other famous museums. A significant portion of the material I will bring back will center around the 55th Biennale itself. I will also take day-trips to two cities that have always eluded me such as Padua and Ravenna. Padua if a short train ride from Venice, but Ravenna more of a challenge since it requires a change of trains, probably in Bologna. I am determined to finally get to view the Scrovegni Chapel in Padua after making and breaking two reservations during the past decade. For one reason or another there was always an issue that prevented me from getting there. Ravenna is the venue for the extraordinary Byzantine Mosaics

Tune in to Youtube for tonight's show # 46 - Secret Treasures of Florence focusing on the extraordinary eleven museums that are among my favorites in Florence. Next week we return to the Illuminated Photo Sculpture of Franc Palaia picking up where we left off last time.

A Celebration Dampened by Tragedy

I awoke Friday morning eager to celebrate my first year of Alan's Italy. It was hard to believe that the project that started on December 9 as a pilot, but really began the next Friday, December 16 as a live broadcast, had been repeated 43 additional times, and blossomed into a whole enterprise (not for profit, of course) which has included lectures, books, and some minor acclaim. I had my car repaired, spend two hours at the Y, walking two miles and swimming laps, and then came home to hone the final design of the show. I sat in my den as I reviewed the slide show I had prepared highlighting the most beautiful and meaningful photos I had shown during the previous year. I modified the choice of my favorite videos we had taken since 2006 when we first started to use digital photography, and then was satisfied that I had a show which I wanted.

A few minutes later my friend texted me about the terrible tragedy that had occurred in Conn, and I turned on the TV to witness the unspeakable and unimaginable horror that had befallen citizens of this country. It is almost impossible to imagine the thought of sending your child to school, and having them murdered by a madman. As a father and grandfather I can empathize, but really as my mother told me when her daughter, my sister, in 1981 was killed in a car accident, "Alan, there is no feeling that even comes close to the overwhelming sadness that overcomes a parent when they lose a child." I was riveted to the TV for about an hour, but could not stop tearing up, so after a while I turned off the Television.

I had in this space originally a paragraph on how I thought schools throughout this country could prevent violence, but then changed my mind about voicing my opinion about a topic about which I am hardly an expert. About 4 or 5 people may have read it, and I honestly feel better about dealing with this national tragedy by letting the professionals advise. I apologize to those people for voicing my opinion about such a calamity. I think I will stick to opinions about Italy and my own issues with my TV show. I do believe that the United States has to come to grips with this problem happening way too often.

Please tune in to the show or Youtube next week for what is so far planned to be a study of the sculpture of Marino Marini as found in the wonderful museum in Florence which honors his outstanding work, and/or to this blog for further reflections on Alan's Italy.

Sigh, Almost Perfect (except for several errors)

During the week prior to doing a show I put together the entire presentation on Monday at the latest, and it is assumed that throughout the coming week, I will be altering a variety of aspects. I also check spelling of names and places and dates trying my very best to be perfect. This previous week was no different, as I combed through everything working diligently. On Friday evening, I arrived at the studio very early, about 4:15 and Ellen and I set up everything, and did the various sound checks, lighting arrangements, and made sure everything was ready. Then I took a 10 minute nap, and at about 4:55 went back to the table checked a few things on my computer, and proclaimed to Ellen that I was ready and just await her word and we will be on our way yet again, for the 44th time. We did everything and I launched into a show that I had been planning and looking forward to for months. I love the churches of Florence. Ever since my first visit in 1992 I have been studying the art in just about all the churches but with an eye to 3 of them, Ognissanti, Santa Trinita and Santa Maria Novella. I have never been to Florence and not visited those three. I know quite a bit about them, and also continued to do some research the week before. One of the reasons I love these so much and have spent so much time there is that they display the art of Domenico Ghirlandaio in situ, that is in the spot they were created. The chapels he had adorned are among the most amazing in the world. The Tournabuoni in Santa Maria Novella, and Sassetti in Santa Trinita are unbelievable in their realism, linear perspective, and color. I have studied Ghirlandaio for years and have a giant book about his life and work. As I indicate on the show I love the story told by Irving Stone in the Agony and the Ecstasy of how Ghirlandaio gave Michelangelo his start in the year 1488. When I began to do the show I just knew it was going to be amazing, and the only problem I could foresee was to temper my enthusiasm or else I might lose my concentration. As I performed the show, I was about as excited as I have ever been, and even during the show said to myself, this is just going to be the best show ever. Then as I viewed the slide showing the famous self portrait of Ghirlandaio with the dates of life indicated at the bottom, I realized that instead of indicating "1449 - 1494" I had printed "1949 - 1494". (Incidentally look at those numbers !!!)I felt like crawling under the table and never coming out. I was so angry with myself, that it was all I could do maintain my calm as I plowed through the next few minutes. That's what happens when you do a live show; there is absolutely no room for error. I didn't cave in, but carried on very well, much better than I thought I would. A year ago, I would sat there wondering why I did this project of Alan's Italy at all, probably telling the audience what a dunce I was. I indicated on this show that it was an error indicating some consternation, but then I was fine.

As I was reviewing the uploaded version to Youtube, I realized that I had made even more mistakes. I refer to the special anniversary show as being shown on Dec 7 instead of Dec 14. I also referred to the long part of the church as the "apse" instead of as the "nave". Perfection and I have not yet met and probably never will. Ah the essence of the live show !!!!

As my readers have already realized, although I have an outstanding life with excellent health, life is indeed a challenge for me. Nothing has or ever has for that matter come easily. Some of this has been revealed here in my blogs, and some in my two books. My third book also talks about that. I struggle with just about everything, good or bad, and continually fight myself amid my proclivity for being anything but perfect. Most friends and family have told me that it is impossible to be perfect for anyone, not just me. Why I even try to be so is a mystery to me. Nonetheless I carry on, do well, at least as I suspect people think of me, and as I have indicated, manage to somehow entertain and interest people with my passion for Italy. And of course thank you so much for putting up with me and reading these blogs. Next week, Dec 14, I will celebrate the one year anniversary of Alan's Italy with a special retrospective slide show and some never before seen videos of my travels. I hope you tune in to take a look. On December 21 I start my second year with Ric Hirst narrating a show on the very underrated and largely unknown artist Marino Marini.

BP and AP - Before Panic and After Panic

I just read an article in Time Magazine which discussed the Obama/Romney campaign, before the first debate and after. Before the debate Obama had a 3.3 % lead in the popular vote and after Romney had pulled out in front, indicating the concept as BD and AD (Before Denver - the location of the debate - and After Denver). I admit my show does not carry as much prestige as a national presidential debate for example 65 million people watched the first debate and perhaps 65 people watch my show live at 5 PM on Woodstock Public Access Television (actually there is not way to tell, but I keep hearing about more and people who apparently watch it live). Of course many more people watch Alan's Italy on the "carousel" a device used by the TV station to broadcast the show as a repeat - as many as 19 times during the week- two weeks after the live broadcast. Then, of course, probably about 125 people watch me on Youtube each week.

Nonetheless, an event occurred on my show at about 5:35 PM slightly more than half way through which replicated the concept of Before and After. In this case it was that I sort of had a very minor "panic attack." I suffer from anxiety disorder and have had a number of anxiety or panic attacks over the course of my life, but deal with chronic anxiety regularly. To me it makes the idea of doing a weekly TV show live an even more amazing feat, but I have never let my problems prevent me from realizing my dreams and goals (as I talk a lot about in my second book and I indicated to a minor degree in my previous blog). I even spent my professional life as an assistant principal, which obviously necessitated conducting meetings, lecturing, and making speeches before sometimes hundreds of people. Ok, so here I am between 5 and 5:35 completely relaxed, "strolling" through the piazzas of Florence having a great time reliving experiences I had there over the past 20 years. Then at 5:35 I glanced at the clock and realized I had only about 15 minutes to do perhaps 30 minutes of show. Although most people probably didn't notice, perhaps nobody did, from that point on I started to make more mistakes and forget things I know normally on the tip of my fingers, so to speak. BP (P = Panic) I remembered everything I had reviewed about the show, names of places, years, dates, people, and AP I could not remember things that I would never forget. For example when I got to the Piazza Santa Maria Novella, one of my favorite 3 piazzas, and one on which I have spent perhaps 100 hours, and know every nook and cranny, I forgot the name of the hotel right at the crease between the cloister of the Church of Santa Maria Novella, and the spot where the commercial enterprises begin. The hotel, which every Florentinophile knows is, of course, the Hotel Minerva. When I got to the Piazza Italiana dell'Unita I forgot both hotels, the Majestic and one of the most well known hotels in Florence, the Hotel Baglioni. When I got to the Piazza Cestello, I referred to the church as the Church of Cestello instead the actual name Church of San Frediano in Cestello, a church I have stared at from my balcony at my hotel on via della Scala, Hotel Croce di Malta for years as I sit there staring at the southern view of Florence. I can go on and on, but the point is that before 5:35 and after that, the show changed and I was a different person, although as I watched it closely a few minutes ago don't see how anyone would have noticed a difference, except that I was obviously rushing, but from my face and manner there was no noticeable difference. Someone who knows Florence may have noticed something, but otherwise my problem was, duh, in my head, as it always it.

So here was a peek into the mind of Alan, and at my age who cares who knows. In fact perhaps those people who have experienced anxiety know what I am taking about. A variety of things happen when a person is undergoing an anxiety attack, and for each person it is different. For me it is forgetting things, but much worse than that is getting nervous about forgetting things - in fact what psychologists call "fear of fear." Then there are two problems that manifest itself, the problem itself and the fear of the problem. From 5:35 until the show ended at 6, I fought through it, which is good news for me, because knowing that it is not debilitating is a big plus. Experience is the best teacher, so for everyone who experiences anxiety, maybe this story will be helpful. As always, thanks for reading or graze per la lettura.