Show # 142 was the most difficult experience of my "career" in video production. The logical thing to say here would be, "Gee, Alan, you have met and overcome so many challenges over the past almost 6 years, how can this be so." If you watch the last show, you may have noticed some things that make me believe this one was among my worst productions. There was a very poor transition from image to image that a few weeks ago would have made me make the change no matter how much time it took. This time I just said, "what the heck," and let it go. I almost always start the show with a video of me sitting in a chair, be in the studio or in my house introducing what will come and then an ending saying goodbye "in person". This time I was so lazy that I just did a voice over with some photos. There is very little detail about each place I covered. I could have spoken more about Capri some interesting Roman ruins, and the fact that the island, in Ancient times, was the retreat away from Rome for Emperor Tiberius. I could have spoken more about what there is to see in Sorrento, or the advantages of taking a boat into Positano to see the remarkable view from the sea angle as opposed to the land entrance into the town. And on and on that in retrospect do not even make me want to do the show over.
So the question on your minds, if you are a steady follower and reader of these blogs, should be, "What is going on?" Several things have occurred lately which have clearly spilled over into my video productions. I will be candid, as I usually am, and mention a few. First, and probably foremost, we cancelled our trip to Italy. During that trip I would have come home with new material which would have produced at least 10 - 12 new shows. In all likelihood I would have scrapped the Bay of Naples Show in favor of one of those things which would have provided me with much greater enthusiasm. For this show I had almost no enthusiasm and very little motivation. The disappointment I sustained had a deleterious effect on my level of motivation to continue Alan's Italy, not simply for psychological reasons, but also simply because I am running out of material. When I return from a trip to Italy, not only do I return with a treasure trove of new things, but the level of excitement to get them into a show is almost overwhelming. So that was absent. Although over the course of 25 years of Italian travel with 27 trips actually planned, I have only cancelled three of them due to various causes, and not since 2012 when I began Alan's Italy. I cancelled in 2000 when I chickened out of my first attempt at a solo trip overseas, and in 2011 when I was recovering from physical illness and frankly felt it more important to prepare for my stepdaughter's wedding in Missouri.
Second, there is such a thing as being too bored to produce a show. This, to someone who is totally healthy psychologically is unfathomable. That person would think the opposite, "You're too bored, so there you have it, the time to produce at your heart's content." Wrong. Boredom can cause one to become so low, that the motivation part of the brain freezes up. That was part of the reason I struggled with show # 142. I finished my love of teaching math at the college on May 23 and not beginning again until August 29. More than three months off; what a lucky guy I am! Yes, I am definitely very lucky in many, many respects. I had a job lined up for the summer which, although would have filled up my entire month of July, would also have probably caused a breakdown because although there was three hours a day of teaching involved, at the time of day I would have been traveling into the city, I would have travelled back and forth for 6 1/2 to 7 hrs a day for four days a week!!!! That is too much even for me. The extremes of working and filling up at least a month of activity or doing nothing of note - those were my choices; neither of which came close to my idea of fulfillment. Thus I have fallen into somewhat of a depression. Of course, I am no stranger to anxiety and depression and am using all the techniques I have garnered over my lifetime to fill in the space. I am at the YMCA 5 days a weeks and having fun. I am reading again TG and that is very good for me. I am trying to come up with shows to produce. Those three major things should sustain me, but three months of no teaching is getting me down. I am both lucky and unlucky. There are worse things in life!!!!
Getting back to 142. So what you get are inferior productions. I apologize, especially if you actually liked the last show. Not sure where I go from here. My old producer from my studio days invited me back to the studio to try it again or just do another, occasionally, to break it up. I have some ideas like the one I indicate at the end of 142, which is the Medici Chapel show which could be very interesting both to do the research and to put together. I could go from museum to museum; the possibilities are really endless. Who knows? Will keep you informed.
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